I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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