in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
