Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
