It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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