I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
