I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
