ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
