im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
