I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize