i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize