there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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