I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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