ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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