I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
