Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
