Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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