everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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