I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize