How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
