Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
