Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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