Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
