At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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