Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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