haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
