I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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