Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
