im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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