Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
