you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
