Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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