Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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