you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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