TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
