I want to have your abortion
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize