tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
