I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
