there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
