when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
