I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
