Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
