med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
