Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
