haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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