drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
