I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
