It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
