My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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