38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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