I didn't shave. On purpose
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
