john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
