thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
