Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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