it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
