Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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