i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
