Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
