Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
