yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
