i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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