She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
