Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
