So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
