I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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