big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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