I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
