just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
