When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
