im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
