My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
