another moral hangover. fuck.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
