I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
