at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
