Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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