ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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