he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
worst night to have a conscience
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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