dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
