For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need water and some morals
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
