You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
