Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
